Wart Remover

“Welcome. How may I assist you this fine evening,” said the wizard. Dominic Pendackel was a third-rate potion maker who traveled the by-ways in a broken-down caravan pulled by his horse Charle.

“Perhaps I could interest you in a health tonic to pep up your love life, or maybe you require a potion to boost your charisma to get ahead in the world,” said Dominic.

After ten years on the road, he knew every type of dreamer out there and could sell sand to a camel. Tonight, however, was turning out more unusual than most.

“Wart remover, you say. Is it for the foot or hand? Success depends on its strength, with the foot being more difficult to remove,” remarked the wizard.

When the customer’s answer surprised Dominic, he turned and asked, “You say it’s more of a protrusion than a growth. Might I ask how long you have had this wart?”

The man explained that shortly after his marriage to a heiress, its prominence grew when her funds dried up. “I see, and you wish to remove this obtrusion with no questions asked,” remarked the wizard.

“Well, let me see. This might take some time. Perhaps you could stop back in an hour. Oh, there will be a slight increase in the cost,” said the wizard.

The man tipped his hat and then disappeared into the woods. Charlie gave a loud whinny and shook his head. “Of course, I won’t let that cad bump off his wife. What kind of hack do you think I am?” snapped the wizard.

Dominic worked feverishly over the next hour preparing the potion for the man. When finished, he filled the bottle with sweet red wine, sealed it with a cork, and dripped wax over its top.

“Now, Charlie boy, to teach that monster a lesson he won’t soon forget,” remarked the wizard as he wrapped the bottle in fresh parchment containing the words, “Wart Remover: place two drops on the growth until gone.”

He then placed several drops of his potion on the parchment, which were absorbed. “The bugger won’t know what hit him when he gets home tonight,” said Domininc with a wry smile.

Almost like clockwork, the stranger appeared, crossed the wizard’s palm with four silvers, and received the bottle from the potion maker. “Be sure to hold it tightly in your hand as any sudden jarring could reduce its effectiveness,” said the wizard.

The remainder of the evening was ordinary, with two cold potions, an arthritis tonic, and three constipation cleaners. The following morning, Dominic and Charlie headed into the village to see how the results of the wart remover worked out.

After parking the caravan next to the market, the wizard decided to shop for supplies when a tall, attractive woman approached him and hugged him. “I don’t know what you gave him last night, but after he came home, he has become the most lovely man anyone could want,” said the woman.

“Oh, it was nothing. I just removed your husband’s wart, which was making him so irritable,” said Dominic, who bowed and continued shopping.

“What? I just put a few drops of passion potion on the bottle’s label and told him to hold it tightly so that it would soak into his skin, giving him a permanent case of puppy love,” Dominic said to Charlie with a wink.