Folksburywoods Story Blog

Not all folk or fairy tales are about princesses, ogres, or dragons. If you were to come to Asia, you would find that many wonder tales are about food.

The tale I am about to tell you is made up or at least filled with exaggerations. But it is nonetheless a true story.

In the eastern portion of western China, a man named Woo lived. His family were noodle folk, always had been. Being noodle folk meant it wasn’t worth discussing if it wasn’t about noodles.

Woo lived with his sister and aunt. His father and mother died fighting a red dragon over an unpaid bill for spicey shrimp noodles. I digress.

Woo lived with his family, and every traveler knew their hot and spicy noodles were the best in all the kingdom, a fact not unnoticed among the heavenly beings.

On a cold Winter day, the Monkey King decided to taste these noodles and end the rumors that not even the celestial noodle shop could compete.

Descending from the heavens, he walked into the Woo’s and was greeted by Woo himself. “Welcome to Woo’s. May I take your order, please,” said the young man.

The Monkey King stared long and hard at him as if to say, “I will tell you when I am good and ready.” Woo bowed and backed away. “Whenever you’re ready,” said the noodle maker.

Woo’s sister served an appetizer of fried dry tofu and oolong tea. “Is your shrimp fresh?” the patron asked the girl.

“My brother caught them just this morning,” replied the girl nervously.

Bowing, she returned to the kitchen. “I have made my selection,” proclaimed the Monkey King.

Woo stood ready. “I want an order of triple X spicey shrimp noodles and stir-fried morning glory stems,” said the god.

“Excellent choice. However, my auntie’s triple X sauce has been known to burn holes through dragon armor. May I suggest the single X as a beginner?” said Woo.

The Monkey King shot a burning stare and then said. “If I wanted single X, I would have ordered it. Now go get me my noodles; I have things to attend to.”

“Right away,” said Woo, who bowed deeply and ran to the kitchen.

Ten minutes later, Woo’s aunt smiled broadly and placed the noodles and side dish before the god. Then, she gave the patron a wink and returned to her kitchen.

Disturbed by the woman’s overt friendliness, the Monkey King decides to taste the food and either confirm or reject Woo’s claim of greatness.

Picking up his chopsticks, he sampled the stir-fried and found them to be of excellent quality, equal to anything in the heavenly kingdom but not superior.

“Wonderful flavor, I must say, but they do not surpass ours in the celestial kingdom. Perhaps your noodles will fare better,” said the god.

Picking up a large helping with his chopsticks, the Monkey King stuffed them into his mouth and began to chew. The favors came one after the other: smooth noodles, buttery shrimp, then the flaming sauce.

“Yes, this was just as many said, the perfect bowl of noodles,” thought the god. His face beamed with delight as he continued stuffing noodles into his mouth.

“More, I must have more. Bring me two bowls,” commanded the Monkey King.

“Right away, sir,” said Woo, who rushed back to the kitchen. Minutes later, Woo returned with two large bowls filled with the triple X noodles.

Bowl after bowl was consumed until the patron had eaten every last noodle in the shop. “More, bring me more,” shouted the Monkey King.

“I apologize, sir, but we are completely out of noodles. Perhaps we could interest you in something else?” said Woo.

“No, I want more noodles,” cried the god, who fell to the ground and began begging for noodles.

Woo explained they had no more and would make new overnight if he wished to return for lunch.

The Monkey King rose and then slammed his fist into the table, shattering it into splinters. “More NOW!” screamed the god.

Woo’s auntie had an idea to save the shop from being destroyed by the Monkey King’s rage. “Little sister, go and get me the length of hemp rope hanging on the back wall,” said the auntie to the girl.

She cut the rope into short noodle-sized pieces and covered them with her triple X sauce. “Hurry, take this to Woo,” said the cook.

Looking confused, Woo placed the bowl before the patron and said, “I am sorry for the delay; here is your order, sir.”

The god instantly devoured the noodles so quickly that he did not even notice what he was eating. “Bring me a pail of water. That last bowl was extra spicey,” said the King.

He drank the water and set back to allow the meal to settle, and that was when it happened. As everyone knows, hemp rope swells when it is soaked in water.

“Would you wish to order anything else today?” asked Woo. The Monkey King began to look concerned as his stomach swelled to two and then three times its standard size.

“No, I believe I have eaten all I care to,” belched the god. His stomach continued to swell, causing Woo great concern that he might explode.

The god stood and released a tremendous belch, followed by a gust of strong wind from his bottom that knocked over a nearby tree.

“Thank you for the meal. I will return to the heavens and proclaim that Woo’s noodles are the best on earth and in heaven,” burped the Monkey King.

Many celestial beings visited Woo’s to enjoy a bowl of triple X shrimp noodles, but the Monkey King has never been seen there again.

Some say he is still digesting the meal and will return someday for another bowl of triple X spicy shrimp noodles.