“I miss the good old days,” said the Cyclops.
“What do you mean?” asked the Goblin.
“I miss all the mashing, crushing, and stomping on villagers,” replied the Cyclops.
“God, how I miss the screaming. Now you get, “Hey ugly, stop repressing my rights or some other thing,” the Troglodyte said.
“Remember when we stormed castles? We carried away the damsel. Some stupid knight would come, and we’d kick them back to the castle,” asked the Cyclops.
“What fun when you caught one in the bottom and sent him over the wall. We’d all scream “Score” then head butt,” reminisced the Goblin.
“I heard that even the Dragons are having a rough time of it. A hill giant told me fire dragons are forbidden from smoking near gatherings,” remarked the Troglodyte.
“What’s next for the poor bastards’ bans on spitting venom?” asked the Cyclops.
“My cousin gave it all up, moved to Norway, and opened a Bed and Breakfast. I hear he’s making a killing off the back-to-nature types,” interjected the Goblin.
“Yeah, we should do the same. No one misses a ‘Fe Fi Fo Fum’ or ‘I’ll grind your bones to make bread,’ do they?” said the Troglodyte.
“Nope, the best I get is some little kids’ cry. In a matter of seconds, I’m hit with a judicial restraining order,” remarked the Cyclops.
“What’s the world coming to when you can’t exercise your freedom to terrify?” asked the Goblin.
The three friends spent the night comparing notes. They discussed which horrible deeds were still allowed and which had been blocked by litigation.
“Dawn’s approaching. I’d better get to my cave, or they’ll fine me 500 silvers for indecent exposure,” muttered the Troglodyte.
“Yep, soon they’ll pass an ordinance that we can’t be seen in our god-given skin. What a load of donkey piss,” grumbled the Goblin.
“Okay, gents, it’s been good catching up. Same time next month?” asked the Cyclops.
Sounds good if we’re not in house arrest like poor Roman,” said the Goblin.
The Cyclops, Goblin, and Troglodyte bid farewell. They hurried back to their holes in the ground. They wanted to avoid dealing with the morning morality patrol.
So It Goes.
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