Zemblanity: the misfortune of finding something unwanted.
Silas lived in a hole in the side of a tree. It was nothing like the holes the little harried feet men lived in. The hole was dark, dank, and cobweb-filled. He lived there alone and liked it that way. Silas was a keeper of things. His job was to travel around, sticking his nose into everyone else’s business and then writing it down in a big, heavy book.
One morning, Silas noticed a small vine-covered path and decided to investigate. “Perhaps there will be a new entry for my book along the path,” said the keeper of things.
Pressing through the overgrowth, Silas came to a clearing. “Hello, is there anyone about?” the keeper called.
“Googley Moogley, who disturbs my peace,” came the reply.
“It is I, Silas Scrum, keeper of things. I have come to find out your function and what tax should be levied against you,” said Silas.
“TAX!” said the voice.
Silas soon stood face to face with a large gold-green creature. “Did you say you wanted to tax me?” asked the thing.
“I did indeed,” answered Silas. He opened his book of things and began flipping through its pages to see where he should make his entry.
“What right have you to place a tax on URG?” said the creature.
“URG is it, well URG the Lord Chamberlain has proclaimed that all in his realm must pay a tax. Let’s see, you’re not a Flumux or a Berthknot. What are you, if I may be so bold,” said Silas.
“I am URG. Is that not plain to see?” asked the creature.
“Yes, all right then, URG it is. What is your function, URG?” asked the keeper.
“Function? I’m not sure. Perhaps to dig and eat,” replied URG.
“Oh, you’re a miner then,” Silas said.
“You might say. I dig for tasties, and along the way, shiny dust gathers on me. Bothersome, but what can I do?” said URG.
Seeing that the dust was gold, Silas said, “You should be taxed at the rate of ten Silvers a year.”
URG did not know what a Silver was, so he politely agreed that it would be fine with him.
“Mind coming in for a snack? You’re rather a tasty-looking fellow, and I have not had breakfast yet,” remarked URG.
“Sorry, but I must report back to the Lord Chamberlain by noon, and there is much to do yet,” the keeper said.
“Perhaps another time,” said URG.
“Perhaps,” replied Silas, who closed his book of things and bid URG a fine day.
Later, while eating his meal, he reflected on the chance meeting with the creature. “Well, I thought I would find a hermit living there. URG was an unwelcome entry, to say the least,” said the keeper.
Silas made a mental note not to stick his nose down overgrown paths anymore. “Best to not know than to know too much,” remarked the keeper as he headed out to find new things for his book.
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